Reason to Be
by WillingtheRain
Summary: See inside for details. Eventually will have S/B romance. ***CHAPTER FOUR UP***
1. When the pain is too much

Standard DC applies under all circumstances.

Hello friends.  Well, here it is, the first Buffy The Vampire Slayer fanfiction written and posted by BlueWillow.  Please sit back and enjoy for I put a large amount of effort into bringing you all this little piece I like to call, "**Reason to Be**".

Couples: W/S friendship, Ay/S friendship, X/B friendship and B/S relationship later on. 

This story immediately follows Two to Go and Grave: the season 6 finally.

Reason to Be

Dawn put her head on her sister's shoulder, relishing in the moment.  Her sister said that she wasn't going to shield her from the truth any longer and the younger Summers woman was greatly proud.    

Dawn felt the sunshine on her cheeks and knew that for the time being, the worst was over.  She felt her sister squeeze her midsection and together they turned and headed home.

***

Willow's sobs wracked her small frame as Xander stayed, letting her tears fall on his aching shoulders.

"Willow, we have to go home now, he said softly.  Willow lifted her head just slightly and tears started anew.

"I have no home.  Buffy won't trust me for a long time," she sobbed. Xander held his best friend tightly, almost as if letting go of her would release her into the wind.

"I still trust you Wills.  You're my best friend.  And my door is always open to you."  Suddenly, Willow pulled away, shock, confusion and ultimately fear crossing her tear streaked features.

"Oh my god… what has he done?" she whispered.

***

Spike sat, huddled in a corner of the cave, eyes wide and absolutely terrified.  

"You got what you asked for, vampire," the glowy eyed demon said a slight sneer in his voice.  Spike looked up, hugging his knees close to the raw skin on his chest.

"Home," he whimpered, the beastly creature in his midst, catching the barely audible cry.

"Very well."  And with a  casual wave of it's hand, Spike disappeared.

***

Xander ran after the once again ex-Wiccan.  The redheaded woman had dashed to Buffy's house after mumbling something about a soul.  And so, Xander chased her.  Looking down Rellvo Drive, he saw Buffy and Dawn, now slightly jogging towards their home.  Xander called after them and they stopped at the end of their driveway, allowing Xander time to catch up.  Walking up to the door, they noticed that in her haste, Willow had left it wide open.  Hearing hoarse sobs coming from upstairs, the trio traded a look.  They certainly didn't sound at all like Willow.

***

Spike let out a grunt as he landed on cold linoleum.  Looking around, he gasped at where he was.

"No," he whimpered, backing up until his tensed back it a walled corner.  This was the place.

This was the place he had hurt Buffy the last time.  

Suddenly, the door burst open and Spike squinted to see the redheaded whom looked about as hurt and alone as he felt.  She walked over to him and whispered an almost soothing comment.

"We can be alone together.  I know what you did, and now you know what I did," she said, tears forming to join the vampire's, telepathically linking him to her mind.

Spike's eyes widened.  His arms went around her neck, for comfort and to comfort.

***

Buffy felt a familiar tingle run up her spine.

"Dawn, go into the living room and wait there with Xander."  The mentioned obeyed.  Buffy started up the steps, following her ears, listening intently as the whimpers and cries grew louder.  Determining they where loudest coming from the bathroom, she opened the door.  Buffy stood, transfixed by the sight that presented itself to her.       

Spike's arms where wrapped tightly around Willow's neck, harsh sobs escaping his throat.  Looking closer, she saw that he was missing his shirt and that his sculpted chest, arms and face's beauty was marred by cuts, burns, bruises, scrapes and scratches.  Buffy saw the tormented look in his eyes and her heart twanged with longing.  Pushing the thought to the back of her head, she took a breath and mustered up the coldest tone she could.

"What are you doing here?" she asked harshly.  She saw Spike's head shoot up, guilt and regret sinking into those pale blue eyes.

"He came home to deal," Willow answered looking over her shoulder.  Standing, she eased Spike onto his bare feet and wrapped her arm around his lean waist.  Helping him to the door and into her room, Willow set him down on the bed and told him to stay there.  Closing the door, she walked over to Buffy and slapped her with all the strength she could muster.

"For once in you life, listen to your heart.  Maybe you'll welcome it and embrace it.  Then you can try and stop his pain."  With those words, Willow stepped back into her room.

Buffy stood in the hallway in shock.

TBC


	2. I shall recall it and remember

Standard D/C applies.

Part 2 of Reason to Be.  This is a little less on the action and a little more of the catching up chapter.  There IS a plot to this story, it's not going to be just some story that goes on and on with absolutely nothing happening.  The thing is, it's probably going to have a slow start, powerful middle and a slow closure.  Hey, I like doin' that kind of thing so hey, expect it.  There's probably going to be a chapter posted per week unless something strange happens.

mjaw- hehe, I love doing scenes where Buffy gets slapped.  I think they always end up sooooo funny!  Glad to know ya liked! ;)

sable- aha, but it goes with the fic.  It's all part of the master plan! ::taps her head and grins evily::

Bloodluvingirl- gald to know you liked!  

cate- as I said before, it's soooo fun to write that kinda thing!  Ahhh, so good.

jbee- glad to know I "ROCK".  *LOL* same thing, it's real fun to write and hey, I always thought that too!  Wait till the story goes on…

Taryn- I'm gunna let you in on a little secret… I would post more then one at a time but it's not all written out yet.  I know what I'm doing, it's just not all written! Well, here's some more, hope you like it!!!

chosen-chick@hotmail.com- not too sure about the original part… I mean, yeah, it's yet to be done but post Grave stories are flourishing!

bubonicplague1348- glad to know I snagged your interest! 

K- hehehe IRELAND!!! In like, not long at ALL!!! AHHHHHHH!! Hey, glad to know I could possibly get you hooked on it!  JAMES MARSTERS IS A HOTTIE!!!

raine- hey, thank you!  Everyone's saying it's different… and the plot is just settling in…

Reason to Be: Recalling the Pain 

Buffy awoke, heart pounding against her worn breast.  She had dreamed again.  About Willow's vengeance, Xander saving the world, her and Dawn's training and, oddly enough, the vampire that was sleeping on her couch.  

The Slayer got up and made her way downstairs to sit and just be by the healing vampire.  It had been two full weeks since he had appeared in her bathroom and she doubted he ever even closed his eyes for the first week.  He had always stayed in Willow's room and Willow had played caregiver, being incredibly protective and not even allowing Dawn to get a look at the vampire.  She reported that he was getting better – although Buffy hadn't even known his condition in the first place—and had requested that Spike sleep on the couch in the living room.  But other then that, a great silence had swept over him, only eating, sleeping, crying and journaling.  

Buffy had been surprised when Willow came home with the leather bound book and the four ball point pens in black, blue, green and red ink.  The vampire took it graciously and immediately opened it, taking a pen-blue-and began writing.  Many times over the past week she had tried to learn what secrets the book held but Spike never let the book out of his sight.

So Buffy set herself down on the armchair she had moved so that it was directly across from the worn out couch.  She just sat, watching as the vampire restlessly slept.  She noticed that his had was clutched over his heart, unneeded breath coming out in raspy, puffing huffs.

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered, voice slightly gravely from lack of use.  He started to thrash a bit, tossing his head from side to side, clawing at unseen objects in the air.  Buffy watched him, terrified although transfixed.  The vampire opened his eyes and slightly raised his head, squinting at the slayer.

"Buffy?" he asked, a mixture of fear, confusion and hope in his voice.  The Chosen got out of her chair and went over to sit by the vampire.  He looked at her, just watching as she set down beside him.  

"You've changed," she stated softly brushing a stray lock of now strawberry blonde hair out of his eyes.  Spike tensed a bit and then relaxed after he realized that Buffy wasn't going to hurt him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, reaching out and gently touching her cheek.  Buffy felt the hard calluses on his fingers and she took his hand from her face, turning it so his palm faced upwards.  She saw that there where small burns on his hands just beginning to heal.

"Tell me everything," she said as her fingers moved to pull up the shirt he had insisted on wearing.  Pulling it over his head, she looked down at his confused eyes.

"I'm not pushing you for anything, I just want you to lay on your back and relax," she supplied.  Spike closed his eyes and smiled weakly.  A short nod told her that he was ready to tell her his story.

"Begin from when you left town," she said and so he opened his mouth and began to tell the story.  

***

Willow woke up and downstairs she heard Spike's voice mixed with Buffy's.  she got out of her bed quickly.  Stepping into her robe, she cautiously stepped out of her room and down the steps.  What she saw made her smile.  Spike was telling Buffy his story.  The vampire's eyes where closed as where the Slayer's and they both looked content, one sitting, the other laying back.

"I knew that it was what I wanted, and so I tried to prepare myself.  Nothing I could to could compare to it though Buffy.  It was terrible.

"Willow has this side effect of going all black magic.  She can read minds now.  I wasn't prepared for that so she read my mind and took me under her wing.

"God, Buffy, you don't know how much it hurts.  The pain…" he trailed off as Buffy leaned over and placed a tiny kiss on his temle.

"I'm here for you.  Don't worry, I don't plan on going anywhere."  Spike looked down at her and smiled,  a little stronger then last time.

"I missed you so much Buffy.  If you could ever forgive me for what I did… it would mean everything.  I know I don't deserve—"  he was cut off when Buffy pulled his chin up to meet her eyes.

"Spike, I missed you too.  You don't have to hide from it anymore though.  I'll be here, Willow is here and believe it or not, Xander is very worried and he wants to help too."  A tremor ran through Spike.

"Spike, I want you to come upstairs with me.  The couch isn't all that comfortable and I think you'd do better off in a bed."  Spike nodded and together, the vampire and Slayer rose and headed upstairs to Buffy's room.

Closing the door after he stepped in, she walked over to her bed and straightened out the sheets.  Crawling under the covers, she saw Spike hadn't yet moved close to the bed

"Come here she said softly, pulling back the sheets so that he could crawl under the covers with her.  The vampire walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the far wall.  Buffy saw his staring and sat up noticing the change in his demeanour.

"Spike, what is it?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and realizing his muscles where tightly coiled, ready to spring on the first thing that annoyed him.  

"Buffy, there's someone here… she wants to take Dawn…"  Buffy looked at the wall and sighed.

"We need sleep Spike," she said, guiding his head down onto a pillow.  The vampire settled down, sighing softly.  Buffy closed her eyes, her body growing heavy with fatigue.

Before she fell asleep however, she murmured the words that he needed to hear.

"You're forgiven Spike."  With that she contently fell asleep in his arms.

***

"Buffy, you still asleep?" Dawn's voice sounded from the hall.  Buffy stirred and woke up in time for Dawn to say, "Alright, I'm coming in!"  

The Slayer's eyes widened when she realized Dawn might take everything the wrong way.

Dawn walked in and her eyes widened, a large smile spreading like wildfire across her face.

"Looks like you two had fun last night!"


	3. Black Grows the Night

Standard disclaimer applies here under all circumstances.

A/N: Hello peeps!  I hope you enjoy this chapter of Reason to Be!!! Sorry about the delay, lost the book it was in and then when I found it, ff.n was down!!!  And then shit happens and everything is shot to hell!

I'm holding a little contest.  If anyone notices a line that sounds like it's from a recent movie, I'll dedicate the next chapter to you if you tell me what movie it is from and who said it.  Keep in mind that it's a villain whom says this.  

I just remembered something.  The Magic Box was totally totalled in the season finale right?  Well, lets just say that there where a few chairs and a table left, for the sake of the fic?  I can't thing of any other place to put the whole gang.

Anyway, on to thankyous!

sable: heh, you'll see! 

PineTranio: Thankyou, and here it is! ;)

Holula:  You're all to kind, thanx so much!

samson: too nice, much thanx!

Cutie: Everyone is saying that!  You guys are all to nice!

soulsearcher: hehe, IRELAND THERE WE WHERE!!! LoL!!! Thanx, kindly, here's ch. 3! FINALLY!

anonymous: thanx for that, glad to know you liked, hope you like this one too!

****

**Reason to Be –**** Black Grows the Night**

"Dawn!" Buffy cried, sitting up in the bed.  Her movements startled the vampire beside her and he sat up in the bed as he awoke.

"Hey Lil' Bit," he said as he saw her.  Dawn watched as Spike's hand gently touched the Slayer's shoulder.

"Buffy, I think we need to go to the Magic Box.  There's something happening and it's not… not good.  I… I felt something strange last night.  A… and… AH!" Spike cried out, clutching his head, fingers digging into his scalp.  

"Spike!" Buffy cried, reaching out to pull him into her arms.  The vampire complied to her and soon found himself being rocked by the Slayer.  Dawn stood stock still for a moment before coming to wrap her arms around her friend.  

A small girl suddenly appeared, her raven black hair a stark contrast to her pale while skin.

"It has begun," she said softly and disappeared as quickly as she appeared.

***

After dark, Buffy decided that Spike should come with her to the Magic Box.  Or what was left of it.

Xander, Anya, Willow and Giles all looked up to see Spike and Buffy wrapped up in his leather duster and Dawn cuddled up in her pale blue trench coat.  As soon as they stepped in, Willow stood, an amazed and fearful expression on her face.

"Kay-Lei," she whispered.  Looking at Xander, Anya and Giles, she sighed grimly.

"Kay-Lei Shale, the first witch turned vampire  Her human soul is said to appear to her demon's next victims."  With that news, Spike stumbled slightly.  Buffy though, held onto him, guiding him to a chair.  He slowly sat and looked up at Willow.    

"I remember… Glory said something about her… I… don't remember it though…"  Buffy looked up sharply.  Taking his hand in her own, she held it tightly.  At the mere mention of Glory's name, Dawn came over to Spike and had wrapped him in a huge hug.  They both remembered what he had done for them, valiantly risking himself for the two young women he loved with all of his heart.  

***

"So, the witch has remembered me," a feminine voice sneered.  The dark figure pulled away at a stray piece of hair, revealing a pair of darkened eyes.

"My mistress, I wish not to disrupt, but how are we going to prevent this prophecy?  It is beginning.  I can sense that the first part is soon to pass… it's soon, I know it."  The darkened woman turned to the kneeling master vampire at her feet.

"Kiandral, is there nothing you have learned over the past 145 years of being in my service?  I always complete my mission.  It doesn't matter when or how, if I choose the Slayer to die, she dies.  If I choose the Loyal to die, he dies.  Hell, I'll even kill the Bloody if need be.  Doesn't matter.  If I choose for them to die, then they die."

"But my mistress…"  Kay-Lei held up her hand. 

"Kiandral, do you not see?  I mustn't torture him though mind nor body.  Do you not remember?  The way to destroy mankind is not to attack body or mind.  No, you shall never fail if you attack his heart first."

***

Spike looked hardly at Willow, one arm holding onto Dawn, the other fingering Buffy's palm.  

"So what is she?  A vampire Wicca?  Glory's childe?  One of Glory's minions?  Wait, how can Glory even HAVE a childe?"

"Well, there was a time when Glory went all vampy and figured it's be fun to turn a witch.  Keep in mind that was a really long time ago.  All the rules where different."  Spike sighed at Anya's explanation.

"So, we have to constantly watch our backs?  Joy."  Spike muttered.  Then something occurred to him.   

"You mean to tell me I'm her next victim?" he asked.  All eyes in the room turned to him.  Giles looked at the blonde in a way that encouraged the vampire to continue.  Spike took a deep breath, gave Dawn another hug and held onto Buffy's hand before standing up before looking over the little group of demon hunters.  

"A little girl appeared in the room when my head was hurting like hell," he explained, more to Buffy and Dawn then anyone else.  Willow furrowed her brow.

"Did she have dark hair, light skin and pale blue eyes?"  Spike looked at her pointedly and Willow caught the unanswered message.  

"Crap."  It was then that Spike decided to take a look at the tiny group.

In a moment of clarification, Spike realized that if anything ever happened to this little group of misfits, the vampire would grieve as much as anyone else.  And surprisingly, this included Xander.  Without realizing it, he had sat back down in his chair and Buffy was behind him, massaging his shoulders.  Only then did he realized how much he ached.  The Slayer looked at him smiling and then looked over at Xander whom seemed to have trouble processing this.

"So then, what do we do?  The man asked.  Sure he had a hatred for the creature of the night but something told him that there was something more to him then on the outside.  Looking into his eyes, there was something that told him there was something going on that he didn't know.  Something really familiar.

"We protect him."  Everyone turned to the father figure in the room.  Giles looked at them all and smiled slightly, his eyes twinkling under the low light in the destroyed building.  

"It's only right, isn't it?  Even after what happened last year,"  the flash of guilt behind Spike's eyes was impossible to miss if anyone was paying attention to him, "he's still one of us.  No matter how much you disagree Xander."  The brunette closed his mouth in his attempt to disagree with the ex-Watcher.

"Then we're here to protect.  The Scoobies united!" Dawn called, thrusting her hand forward and earning a giggle from the women in the room and a smile from the men.  Hands where piled upon hers and within a few seconds, the attention of the room was once again focussed on Spike whom had yet to place his hand on the pile.

"Forever," a voice whispered in his ear as his hand reached out and hit the top of the pile.  As it did, a ribbon of gentle light shot heavenwards and circled once around the circle of protectors.  Haze and smoke started to gather above their hands and formed to show the figure of a translucent girl.

With another flash of light, she was gone.

***

Somewhere in the darkness of Kay-Lei's dungeon, a light flicked and a young girl gasped her first breath of air in over four years.


	4. Whom Shall it Be?

Standard disclaimer applies under all circumstances.

A/N:  Hello peeps!  How is everything???  Well, here is chapter 4 of Reason to Be! Um… there's really not much else to say so sit back and relax!  Xoxoxoxoxo to all my readers!  Hope you all enjoy!!!

Yeah… here's part 4!!!

Whom Shall it Be 

Spike's eyes glowed a mysterious silver colour.  Throwing his head back, he starred at the charred ceiling and for a moment, he thought he saw something… someone… familiar.  

"Buffy," a soft voice cooed, looking down at the Slayer.  The Chosen girl lifted her head and her eyes filled with surprise and light.

"Mommy?" she asked, her eyes filling again, this time with wonder.  The woman smiled and bent down to stroke her daughters head.  The floating angel looked down at the little group and smiled.

"Hello," she whispered, reaching out to lightly stroke a disbelieving Dawn's head.  "I' miss you all so much."

"Mommy?" Dawn whispered, looking with sad eyes at the figure of her mother in front of her.  Joyce nodded her head and gently stroked the top of the teens head as she started to cry.

"Now listen to me, all of you.  There's something big that's going to happen very soon.  You are all going to need to band together for this.

"There's a prophecy that it going to be fulfilled.  You are all a part of it."  Turing to her eldest daughter, Joyce smiled.

"Trust your heart Buffy.  I know that it's hard after what Angel, Riley and your father did to you, but trusting your heart will bring you to realize all is not bad in the world.  He's here Buffy, just open your eyes.  Help him heal when the time comes."  Joyce's kind smile continued onto look at Dawn.

"Hey baby," she said softly, stroking the brown girl's head.  Dawn sniffled and looked at her mother.  

"Dawnie, you need to understand that you have the most important part.  You are going to be the newest in your generation.  You're going to have to remember how your sister did it and I must tell you, you must trust your heart.  When a boy comes to you in the next few days, speak to him sweetie.  Get to know him."  The teenager smiled weakly, a fresh batch of tears sparkling in her eyes. 

"Xander, Anya," Joyce commented, looking at the couple.  The duo looked up from starring at their hands and looked with deep respect at the woman in front of them.  A cheerful smile greeted them and they smiled slightly in return.

"Now, I know I didn't really get to know you Anya, but I'm sure you're an amazing person.  But sometimes, even when it hurts the most, you have to let go of the past."  She gave a pointed glance at Spike—whom was hugging a sobbing Dawn—and Willow—whom was consoling a broken looking Buffy—for a brief second before turning back to the two.

"Xander, I know in the past year that you've made some foolish mistakes.  But you must remember, that whatever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.  I know that there's some kind of irony in that, what with being a member of the Scooby gang, but I can't find it right now and it's not all that important anyway."  Xander nodded stiffly.  He always respected Joyce, and her plainly stating that in the past year, YES he DID screw up was slightly unnerving.

But Joyce's attention was taken from him when the Watcher let out a tiny cough.  It was obvious to her that he was trying desperately to keep the cough within himself, but the tiny lapse in control sent the tiny cough out.

"Rupert.  Mr. Giles?"  The watcher looked up at the heavenly being and smiled.

"Joyce," he regarded, blushing slightly.  No one saw this however because in reality, not many where paying attention to them.

"It… it's good to see you."  Joyce smiled.  

"And I throw the same thing at you."  Joyce's playful look sobered slightly.

"Rupert, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but when the time comes, you will have to make a choice.  One that may possibly change the fate of my daughter.  But Rupert, when the time comes, you MUST listen to Spike.  Do not let Buffy or Dawn persuade you. I know alone they are quite persistent and as a team they are almost unbearable.  But the one you are going to have to trust is the one you trust the least."  Giles nodded his head solemnly.  He didn't quite enjoy the fact he had to listen to Spike, but in this case, the exception was wiling to be made.

Joyce then turned her head to Willow and the witch looked up from over Buffy's head.  The spirit's eyes sparkled with tears as she looked over her daughter and her daughter's best friend.

"Willow," Joyce softly called and the red head turned her gaze the woman.  Joyce said no words but placed her hand on the witches forehead.  A bright flash of light came from the spot and Willow's eyes rolled back.  As the light faded, everyone other than Spike and Dawn where starring at her, Dawn having fallen asleep in Spike's arms and Spike being quite thoughtful.  Willow opened her eyes and nodded at Joyce, her mission clear.

"Spike."  The vampire looked up, thoroughly surprised at being addressed.  Joyce's soft expression made him tear up a bit and turn away.  The angel moved towards him and placed a hand on his cheek, pulling his face to look him in the eyes.  Joyce studied him for a moment and her eyes twinkled.

"Do you know why I liked you more than Angel?"  The soulled vampire looked genuinely confused that the question before snarling a slight bit at the mention of his sire's name.  Joyce laughed lightly as Spike looked at her again.

"I knew, long before Buffy did, long before you did, that you where the one."  Spike looked amazed at this woman as she started to stroke the top of her younger daughter's head.

"Spike, you're the one that'll go through the most changes.  Dawnie here has the most important part, but in order for it to come to pass, you must change physically and psychologically in order to protect her.  Spike, the return of your soul is only a small part of the changes.  Right now, you need to forget.  I know most of your victims personally and they all forgive you.  They're all at peace with you.  

"You're changes are going to be big.  There's no denying that.  But when it feels like you can't go on, take a good look at Buffy and Dawn.  During your absence, Dawn openly grieved for you and Buffy spoke to me all the time about how much she missed you.  In fact, occasionally, she'd sleep with your duster on, just to be near you.  The next few months will be hell on Earth.  But my daughters are here to pull you through it."  Spike nodded and looked at Joyce fondly.

"Thank you," he whispered, a solitary tear falling away from his eye.  Joyce smiled and whipped it away from his face before leaning forward and placing a loving kiss on his forehead.  The vampire's arms tightened around Dawn and she stirred, sensing the need for comfort the vampire was feeling.

"Goodbye, just remember, my dears, I will always be watching over you.  You all have my blessing.  Goodbye."  And with that, she disappeared, Spike's eyes glowing a silver hue as she did.   

The tired group looked around at one another and they all made a silent agreement that it was time to go home.

***

*sigh* Yes, I know, it's short.  Please forgive the ever-so shortness of this chapter, this is just a filler thing.  K, I hope you're happy.

FYI, I won't be posting for a while, due to the fact everything is just starting up again.  Once I have a schedule for soccer, school, choir, creative writing and (hopefully) guitar, I'll be able to slot in a time solely dedicated to writing this story.  This year I plan to be absolutely organized and everything is going to get done, even if it is slowly.  "

It is better to be slow and well done than be quick and poorly done.  Unless you have a deadline."  -B. Willow-

Hopefully, every Sunday of the week is going to be for writing and posting.  However, due to the constantly changing schedule of my chaotic life, this may not always be true.  

I've lost a little bit of steam on this one (ask K, in Ireland I was writing close to one chapter a day) and now I lost the book all my writing was in.  I know I seem to do this a lot, but I'm totally dis-organized in the summer and I tend to lose things only to find them again two months later.  I am on a hunt for my book though, so it won't be two months until my next post.  And right now I know K is waiting to strangle me next chance she gets. 

Please do not lose all hope in me.  I really am trying my best but at the moment, it seem my best may not be quite enough.

Regards,

Blue Willow, 

"Angel of light let the sun shine down upon me

Grant forever my soul in eternal peace."

                        -B. Willow- 


End file.
